Birthday blogging – fertile thoughts as I turn another year older

Happy New Year one and all!

Welcome to the first Slow Swimmers and Fried Eggs post of 2018! Wow, what a difference a year makes. I never thought I’d be writing a blog, living in a beautiful house or be facing redundancy this time last year, but here I am and all those things are currently a reality!

I have the added pleasure this week of not only welcoming in another year but also gaining a year myself as I have a New Year birthday, so I always kill two birds with one stone in January. Some years this is easier to do than others but this year…I’ve decided I’m embracing it!

This time last year, I was in a bad place emotionally. I had just suffered my first miscarriage after a long-awaited IVF transfer and was devastated and in pure disbelief that this could happen. How could life be so cruel as to make me wait 3 years to get pregnant only to take it away a few weeks later. I couldn’t bear contemplating yet another birthday without a pregnancy and the added insult of being another year older which in the fertility world can be the difference between “possible” and “impossible”.

Life is full of ironies – I have a condition that makes it hard for me to get pregnant but getting pregnant could cure it….infertile women are plagued by messages to get pregnant as early as possible but the longer the infertility lasts, the older they get and the harder it becomes.

My husband and family helped me through my birthday last year but this year, even though I’m still facing some pretty tough times, I’m feeling so much stronger and so much more reassured. I was trying to work out why that is today and I think the reality is that I feel more acceptance and more support this year than I ever have before on this journey.

Things I’m focusing on this birthday:

• Not getting hung up on the age. It is what it is… I’m still young enough to do everything I want to do, still young enough to change the things I want to change and having a baby is still a possibility so that’s what I’ve got to hold onto this year.

• The good stuff. And there is sooooo much of it! As a naturally pessimistic person, it’s taken me a long time to shift my attitude and keep the good stuff at the forefront of my brain but I’m getting a lot better at it and feel much more energetic and confident as a result.

• The opportunities of a new year. There’s no denying that the allure of a new year brings about fresh energy and optimism. I’m going into 2018 with looming redundancy but I’m determined to see the opportunities around it instead of being dragged down by fear!

• This is a tough one but I’ve decided this year not to put fertility at the top of the agenda. Feels like quite a heavy statement as I see it hear in black and white but I know it’s the right thing to do – for 3 years I’ve been waiting for a baby to come along and although we’ll still be doing what we can, it’s not going to be the focus of 2018. I want to put more energy into the things I can control instead and the rest we’ll just have to wait and see…

• HAVING FUN!

Yes! Having fun is something I forget to do sometimes especially during IVF months and Lee is really good at reminding me of its importance. Fun doesn’t have to be extravagant or flamboyant – just pulling stupid faces or watching a silly film, dancing around the kitchen can be enough to get the endorphins flowing!

Birthdays will come and go and leave their mark depending on how you much emphasis you put on them. We can all choose how we react to birthdays – what we can’t control is the fact that they will come around at the same time every year!

Do you have a birthday coming up that you’re struggling to deal with? How are you feeling about the start of another New Year? Wherever you are on your fertility journey, I’d love to hear from you!

Speak soon

Julia x