It was 4pm on my last day at work when I got the call about my gestational diabetes diagnosis. I couldn’t believe it – “I eat really healthily”, I blubbed at the midwife as she went on to explain how that had little to do with it and it’s just hormones at play, messing with insulin production.
The shock, disappointment and frustration of that Friday a few weeks ago, made me reflect back 6 years when a doctor called me (again at work!) to tell me I had endometriosis and large cysts on each ovary. I’d never heard of it before and immediately went onto google to find some answers.
The first thing that came up was infertility, trouble conceiving, painful periods and a disease that gets progressively worse if left untreated. Far from ideal. I was single at the time and having children had never been firmly on my radar – even when I was little I didn’t seem to aspire to be a mum and have a baby, preferring to pretend to be a fashion designer instead (!) but when you’re told that that option might have just been taken away from you, your life priorities quickly get rearranged.
It was a big year. The year I turned 30, the year I’d had a big promotion and the year I discovered I might not be able to have kids.
I remember questioning all my life choices up to that point. Why hadn’t I settled down sooner? Why did I live in a polluted city that might be damaging my health? Why has this happened to me? Nothing made sense but looking back now, it was a wake up call and a turning point in my life. It was also non life-threatening which I kept trying to focus on.
Perhaps unsurprisingly, a year later and months after my laparoscopy to remove the cysts and pelvic adhesions, I met my husband and we had quite a whirlwind romance, getting engaged a year after that. My diagnosis was always at the back of my mind and I told Lee really early on that having children might be difficult for us but he was really understanding and didn’t even have kids on his radar at that point!
When faced with a diagnosis like that, it can turn your world upside down – perhaps, like me, it happens when you’re not even trying for a baby or perhaps you get diagnosed after trying for some time but either way the feelings of disappointment, confusion and self-criticism and often common.
Have you just been diagnosed with something that might affect your fertility? How are you coping with the news? Wherever you are on your fertility journey, I’d love to hear from you!
Speak soon,
Julia x
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