Reprioritising life during infertility

There’s nothing like a major life event to help rock that chess board! My most recent shake up was being made redundant – and now, 1 month on, I feel like I’m in a totally different place, so much freer, excited and in control of my choices and the chance I now have to reshape my life probably for the first time ever!

When we are young, we often think we’ll be following some kind of life path that’s all planned out for us; there may be some study involved which we begrudgingly get on with as we’re told it’s for the “greater good”, there will more than likely be a job at the end of that which will involve working up the career ladder, and then probably marriage, kids, holidays etc.

If it’s what we see from other people then it’s what we end up expecting of ourselves.

However, as we get older and start reaching those milestones or more likely reaching the age for them but not actually seeing the milestone in sight, we start to realise that life isn’t all mapped out after all. It’s the twists and turns that shake us up and take us in different directions, empower us and help us move forward with confidence. These roadblocks are the things that make us stop and look at what we’ve got, where we’re going and give us a chance to reprioritise.

This time to stop and be aware is so important as otherwise we’d be mindlessly manoeuvring from day to day, place to place without really thinking about what we’re doing, why we’re doing it and whether we even want to be doing it!

Redundancy helps with that! It’s a hard stop.

So, after some shuffling around and readdressing of what I want out of life, I’ve decided it’s definitely not the job I was in, even though I seemed to enjoy it at the time. My new working day is spent working between three different jobs, all of which I can do from home or from a café or the train. All three jobs are completely different but they all fulfil me in different ways and it’s the mix that’s the key. I’m also preparing to start my own coaching business so life is certainly not boring!

In a similar vein, a good friend of mine has just decided to end her fertility journey after much heartache and many years. I saw her the other day and she looks incredible! She’s fully committed herself to her new path and is following all her other dreams. In doing so, she’s found a whole new group of friends who are in a similar position to her with similar interests and she’s truly loving life!

We often forget when we’re on the fertility wagon that we have other interests and goals, but we all do and we shouldn’t just phase them out because we don’t think they’re as important. Any goal you set yourself or any dream you have is important, otherwise you wouldn’t have thought it up!

We are all so much more than people who want to have a baby.

Fertility, much like our definition of success, work ethic and culture often needs to be reprioritised to get the best results. I love this quote from Arianna Huffington, Editor-in-Chief of the first online newspaper, The Huffington Post:

The current model of success, in which we drive ourselves into the ground, and in which working to the point of exhaustion and burnout is a badge of honour, was created by men,’

‘It’s a model of success that’s not working for women, and it’s not working for men, either. Our workplaces are fuelled by sleep deprivation.’

Huffington’s crusade on the subject brings her to London on Tuesday, where she will host a conference entitled ‘The Third Metric: Redefining Success Beyond Money and Power’.

The term ‘success’, she believes, should include the values of wellbeing, wisdom and kindness. Go-getters, she hopes, will become ‘go-givers’.

How wonderful to shift the notion of success to giving as opposed to getting. This works in all aspects of life and is something that really has the power to change society. Can you imagine how powerful it would be if we all believed success was about the level of “giving” in your life?

How happy are you feeling with your life balance at the moment? Do you feel something needs to shift? A feeling in your gut? Then start making steps to change! Wherever you are on your fertility journey, I’d love to hear from you.

Speak soon,

Julia x